For What is Worth
by XxTorrfie-Sensei
Summary: When first love never end how you wanted it to be, it hurts. That's what happened on Akatsuki Kaoru's first love. After years of trying to forget, first love have returned again. Will it be okay to give it another chance? To fall in love all over again, especially when Akatsuki have love this man 10 years ago when his a guy himself? BL TsunaxOC. Pair Debatable. Self-insert.
1. Chapter 1:

**A/N:** Hope you like this story.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own anything

 **WARNING:** it's a **BL love** and if you're not into those things then you probably don't want to read this.

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 **Chapter 1: Prologue**

I don't really know what really attracted me to him in the first place. Practically, I don't even know why if you ask me in the first place.

All I know was that ' _I just want to be by his side.'_ That's what I had always thought when we were still young. Maybe it's just my thinking but it's probably his kind and warm personality that were always overlooked by others that pulled me towards him.

I had been his friend since kids until our middle school year... though that's what only last. Entering middle school, he'd change. Not that I'm complaining but the more he change and gain a friend, the more I have been forgotten.

When we decided to hang out, he'd miss it, leaving me all along like an idiot, waiting for him for hours and hours alone until he arrive or call saying his apologies and telling me he couldn't come and continue our plan, for reasons that I don't even know. But being his childhood friend, I overlook all of it saying _'It's fine'_ and _'that it can't be help since he's busy'_ when in truth, I don't even know whatever reasons he have even when he'd stop coming for days at school and arrive back after a few weeks or days so.

We had been so close to the hip even since were babies and knowing that he have reasons he couldn't tell me, annoyed me to no end. Didn't we tell each others that no matter what we'll tell the others what reasons or trouble the other have and support each other no matter what? Then where is that promise now?! Is he just making fun of it now that he had gain more friends?! Is he even serious being my friend over all these years?... Or does he even consider I'm his childhood friend?

Those were thoughts that had always played in my mind whenever I'm alone.

And before I knew it I started thinking why I even care that much in the first place. Sure, I care this matter since we've been childhood friends since kids, when he'd been bullied for being no good and a clumsy ditz but even so I had always stayed with him no matter the consequences are. Even for the fact I may not have other companion just so I could stay by his side.

But now, what? Why do I even get irritated over this when I could just move on and have my own circle friends as well and completely change from being the no good friend to having new ones. Why do I even get disappointed and angry over the fact that he couldn't come for our plan to hang out?

Why couldn't I move on?... why do I even want to be with him in the first place?

I had always asked those questions on myself and ended up not having answers on every questions even when I answered few of them but afterwards there's always new questions came popping right up after the others at the end of the day. Always thinking why and why do I even thought of those things which I found were ridiculous even for myself to think about... however those questions stop when I realize that... all this time I have always been in love towards Sawada Tsunayoshi... which I had immediately ridicule at the thought... why?...well... isn't obvious... it's because... we're both male.

I even scoff at the idea. Who would want to be in a relationship with a boy? If Tsunayoshi even found out that I like, no, love him, the more reason he'll avoid me and never hang out with me. I bet even if it was him he'll be disgusted at the very idea...Well... not entirely disgusted, probably embarrassed and be denial at the idea because we're both... boys and can't be in a relationship since those type of things only happen in... mangas.

Those were just fantasies but this is reality and when caught up with it, you can't deny that it's harder than you think it was than it is in those manga where you could laugh and go gaga ga over those relationship because it's only a manga and a fantasy. Well shit, this was reality and reality's hard and impossible when it came to those type of relationship. Even I had tossed those idea in the very beginning when I still didn't know I love him since I had always thought that that would never happen to me but now...

I can't even phantom how to solve this especially... Tsuna have always love a girl ever since he was a stripling and at by chance that girl was a sister his senpai that he have somehow be friend with.

The girl that he'd been in love with was the one and only Sasagawa Kyoko. The school idol in our campus for being pretty and kind, full of sparkles and bright smiles that all boys in our school have a crush on and compared to me... I wouldn't even have a chance in the first place.

But... _as long as he's not in a relationship and I could still find a place by Tsunayoshi side and I'm more than satisfied with that_. That what I had believe to reassured myself ever since I found out about myself having a feeling toward the brunette just so to ease my aching and longing for the guy but those hopes shattered when I found out they started dating.

Tsuna had invited me on a particular day to come to his house for a party. The reason? I don't know but still came out of my way just to see him and to know the reason why the sudden celebration when there no reason to.

I have actually been planning on how to be alone with him once I arrive at his house deciding that I had already bought enough time to prepare myself and now was the time to confess even though I know what would be the outcome by the end of it but... those thoughts were completely thrown away when I arrive at his house and saw them together with his hand on her waist, showing his possession on her.

Never had I felt so humiliated in my life. Just thinking that I almost confess that day and not even knowing he already achieve his dream love, just made me want to die in shame.

I guess it's a truth to remind me just how impossible it was for the two of us.. being we're both male and others...

It's actually hurt to see something you want but never can you get it especially when you love a person but knowing that you'll never have them for yourself.

And honestly speaking, just giving them a happy congratulation have I never felt so suffocated and painful before in my entire life, no one even hardly notice how fake my smile were.

Since then, I completely distance and isolated myself from him and with everyone I know.

With what reality gave me, I had a hard time struggling healing myself and with the compilation of hearing that I'm not my parents real son and telling me for who I really am... I've become a mess and completely jaded...

I really had a hard time fixing myself afterwards with the additional of going abroad just added on the pressure...

Just how mess up and became twisted I had became at the time, I almost lose and ruined myself...

I guess I have to thank luck were on my side before I completely destroyed myself...

It's hard moving on from what life gave me but after years of healing and somehow completely grasping and starting my life again, I somehow had a life that I would never imagine in my entire life I would have

And now after years have pass...

"K-Kaoru?!" A 24 year-old Tsunayoshi Sawada, the now appointed Decimo, 10th boss of the Vongola family, stared at me, shock.

I blinked, staring at the boy who now have turn into a man over the course of the years, can't help but gape at what was now happening right before me.

I, Akatsuki Kaoru, have yet again been reunited with my first love after 10 years.

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 **A/N:** Sorry for wrong grammar that I have miss. Probably I mostly all of them.


	2. Chapter 2:

**A/N:** Thank you for reading my story. Hope you continue supporting this story until the end and sorry for the long update, I had a hard time with school since I'm graduating this year. Hope you like this chapter that you have been wanting to read.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own anything

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 **Chapter 2:**

I have never again believe in any second chances nor starting over again when it comes to love ever since I saw how much of a failure my first love had been…

But now that I'm facing my once unrequited first love after all this years...

"K-Kaoru?!" A 24 year old Tsunayoshi Sawada, all mature now after 10 years have passed, asked me, eyes wide while I stared at him, not really comprehending why this is all suddenly happening.

I, Akatsuki Kaoru, 24 years old, have yet again been reunited with my unrequited first love after 10 years.

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 **(There are things that could never end)**

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Tuff of brown hair, small body of a boy, and a laughed like the sounds of wind chimes echoed as I watched a blur figure ran past me and ahead of me. Not before long, the figure change into someone tall, has a broad shoulders and someone who became a man instead of a boy.

Somewhere in me knew that this guy, who's only right in front of me, meant really well though for some reason I can't put a name on him...I can't remember.

My hand twitched.

I want to touch him.

I had the urge too at the same time I felt hesitant but before I knew it, my feet are already dragging me forward. My hand out stretch, almost near and I can almost touch him but then-

"Kaoru"

A small tap on my forehead break me out of my sleep. I blinked before looking at my partner, Amedeo.

Wha-

"Deo?...What is it?"

Dark blue haired, light blue eyes, tall and physically build, has a strong features, Deo, distance away from me, seeing that he's only a few inches apart from my face.

"Kaoru, if you're going to sleep, sleep on your bed." Deo scolded with his usual stern look at the same time tapping a scrolled paper on his shoulder.

"Can't blame me, I'm too tired from last night mission to even move." I drowsily reply while rubbing my eyes.

"Even so, you have to sleep on your bed and not sleep on random places in the mansion like here in the library or else you'll get sick!"

Leaning from my left hand to my right hand, I turned my head to look at window beside me and just stare at our mansion's garden while Deo goes on with his lecture, knowing full well that there's no stopping him once he started.

Last night mission the ninth gave us have been the worst one this month. The mission was only for us to escort a descendant of a middle class famiglia, when suddenly an ambush happened right when we're almost on our destination, not to mention that the ambush was not really on us from the very beginning but an ambush for the Varia, who was coincidentally staying on a hotel near our stop.

Deo and I have planned not to get involve but at some point in the middle of the night where chaos and hell was happening, we found ourselves defending our lives and the boy we're supposed to escort. That damn shark tooth just has to yell at me and dragged me in. It's a good thing that the boy is still alive though a little battered.

Oh, thinking of Varia, I made mental note to beat the crap out of that shark tooth later on.

Though that wasn't the thing that almost took the light out me but rather….

I looked down at the table where papers were all scattered bearing my handwritten on them.

"Oi! Are you listening?"

I stare at Deo and gave him a nod.

What was it again that he's talking about?

He gave me a doubtful look, his eyebrows already furrowing down.

"You didn't listen did you?" He asked though it came out more of a statement than a question.

Shit.

I turned my head away from him.

"K.a.o.r.u"

Behind Deo, Castor chuckled from watching us and our antics. It never bored him even though he'd been with us for so long already.

"Now, now, Deo. Don't be too hard on the young master."

I looked behind Deo and nod at the light violet haired male which he returned with his gentle closed-eyed smile.

"And you're too soft on him, Castor." Deo countered, giving Castor a side glare.

Castor only gave him a smile.

Castor may look like an angel who came from heaven and seems like the easiest target from my family but once you know him well he's quite the opposite actually.

From all members that I have gained so far, he's the cruelest of all and someone bad to encounter with if you're in his target list, especially when he's in a fight. He's merciless.

I'm grateful enough that I have him as an ally not as an enemy.

Gathering all the papers on the table and putting it on a white folder, I stood up and walked towards Deo, whacking him on the head with it.

Deo hissed.

"You, basta-"

"Here, Report from our last night mission." I interrupted, handing it to him. Deo could only at the folder on his hand with surprise.

Well, I couldn't blame him since I have been leaving all the paperwork's this month on him and seeing him look so surprise made me somewhat guilty. Usually, I'm not that lazy but for some reason there's something that had been bugging me, losing my focus on doing my usual work and what worse is that I don't know the reason of it.

I started heading for the door though before I completely left, I glance back at Deo, seeing him still looking at me.

"I know, I been leaving all the paperwork on you and I'm sorry for that though seeing how exhausted you have been last night, I did the report on our mission this time just to return the favor. You knew that I'm not been myself lately but still did the paperwork… I can't help but be thankful to you, Deo."

Deo eyes widened, blushing before he looked away.

"H-hmph! Yo-You should be! You just don't know how much troublesome it was!"

I gave a small smile at him being his usual tsundere again before completely walking out of the library.

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Castor could only watched with amusement at how his dark blue haired friend looked so flustered after his young master left.

Even though Deo looked like he'd rather kill his young master, Castor knew deep down that Deo's in love with him and he's happy with that.

Whether or not Kaoru's aware of Deo feelings, Castor couldn't help but be supportive to Deo but… there's also a part of him where he worry for Deo and how Kaoru's still dealing with his first love especially when their family is closely related to the Vongola.

Even though Deo knew of Kaoru's first love, Castor couldn't help but worry for the bluenette feelings.

Oh, right, speaking of Vongola

Castor looked at the elegant envelop, lying on the desk before him. It's the one that carried a sudden invitation from the Vongola and for some reason wants them to attend. Not only they want someone from their family to attend but they also want his young master to go.

Castor sighed through his nose and looked at Deo, who was now sitting across from him, checking his young master's work while still blushing and muttering under his breath.

"Deo"

Stopping his work, Deo blinked at Castor.

"Have you talked to the young master about the upcoming ball?"

Upon recognizing what Castor was talking about, Deo couldn't help but frown.

"Ah…"

Castor looked outside the open window beside them, an unusual frown marring hi face rather than his usual gentle expression.

"I knew that the Decimo of the Vongola, hasn't arrive here in Italy for the past few years, and I couldn't help but be grateful for that on the young master behalf since young master wouldn't have to worry encountering their heir if he visit the their HQ but…" Castor glanced at Deo.

Deo knew what this coming was about and he couldn't help but released a deep sighed…

"Ah… We couldn't expect that their heir won't arrive. At any time now, their Decimo could arrive here without us knowing… and with the invitation they've given us so suddenly without a reason and to want Kaoru out in the public, I couldn't help but have a bad feeling about this."

Castor nodded, having the same feeling that Deo have.

They knew that their famiglia have been connected to the Vongola as far as they know and to refuse an invitation could also mean disrespectful on the Vongola, especially this time that it was rumored that the Decimo's era is stronger, stronger than its founder have been. This leave them no choice to refuse their invitation even though the family didn't want their young master to be out in the public since many of the other power hunger famiglia want Kaoru.

"So, did the young master agree?"

Deo click his tongue, crossing his arms, and from just that Castor already knew. His young master has agreed.

Castor sighed, he can't help but have a foreboding feeling especially this time where things couldn't be avoidable than it had for the past few years.

He just hopes that things could still remain peaceful from now on.

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Sorry for the short story and the wrong grammars. This is the only chapter that I could post for now.

*Just for the readers who's curious in who would be seme and uke, I post a poll who you want to see to be uke and seme though the decision would still be mine in the end I guess. but if you vote who would be seme and uke, I'll gladly appreciate it.*


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